potentially destructive emotion be considered a gift rather than a time bomb? A healthy home is where people express anger in HEALTHY ways. The surprising truth is that when a person understands anger and learns how to express it in healthy ways, it can be an ally and actually lead to increased trust, greater intimacy, and stronger relationships. While we may have minimal control over when we experience anger, we have almost total control over how we choose to express that anger.
Key #6: Quality Communication
A characteristic of a strong family is that the members talk more to each other, convey feelings that they understand what is being said to them, keep communication channels open, show more sensitivity to each other’s feelings, and realize the importance of nonverbal aspects of communication. Since good communication doesn’t just happen, smart families set aside a regular time each week for focused communication.
Most of us haven’t learned the value of conflict. We misunderstand its potential and may interpret it as an attack. Conflict is the process we go through and the price we pay for intimacy. When we avoid healthy conflict, we avoid growth.
The next time conflict stares you in the face, try these three simple steps. First, make your primary goal to understand the other person. Take a few minutes to acknowledge, discuss and define the conflict and then listen. Second, ask yourself, “What is MY contribution to the problem?” Most of us find it easier to identify the other person’s contribution to the problem, how he or she needs to change, and what he or she could do differently without acknowledging that we need to change, too. Third, commit yourself to understanding what the issue looks like through the other person’s eyes.
