There are lessons learned along the way. If you enter first grade with only graduation on your mind you’re going to miss all the snacks, naps, education, plays, summer breaks, getting your first locker in middle school, your first crush, your second crush and your third. You are going to miss getting sent to the principal’s office, pranks, practical jokes, cheerleader and volleyball tryouts, winning the spelling bee and getting all A’s on your report card. There’s a lot of learning that occurs between first grade and graduation and there’s a lot of living, loving and learning between the first date and the wedding date. Let the relationship naturally mature.
There is an old adage that says, “Hindsight is 20/20.” The goal is to have your love vision be 20/20 not only in hindsight but also from the initial meetings and conversations. 20/20 love vision is accomplished by reading the signs and seeing what’s really there instead of settling for smoke and mirrors and what you want to see.
Chris Rock says that in the beginning of a relationship “you never meet the true person you meet their representative.” You have to amass the skills necessary to see past the representative to the real person. To keep from being hurt over and over again, you must be willing recognize and embrace the facts as they are and not interject your own romantic notations and fairy tales into the situation. To begin the process, ask yourself, “What is the truth about the person and the potential relationship?” and “What could I be choosing to overlook?”
I’ve seen women and men overlook a multitude of sin and lie to themselves, saying, “I didn’t know”. The sad truth is they consciously or unconsciously chose to overlook the obvious. They chose to look over bad boy ways, affairs, drinking problems, drug problems, gambling problems, domestic violence, irresponsible parenting, disappearing acts, obvious lies, uncaring behavior, prison records, love triangles, bi-sexual activities and Deal Breakers of every kind. When it comes to relationships ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance can be FATAL.
To see what is really there you have to ask the right questions, read the signs, do the research, recognize the truth and know when you are being told what you want to hear rather than the truth. Don’t be so enamored with the representative that your common sense takes a vacation and your ability to reason and think critically is lost. Use all your senses and see what is in front of you regardless of how he may try to camouflage the truth.